Sustainability

How long can you do something before it gets the best of you?

You know what the secret to success is? According to 9 out of 10 self-improvement books, it’s goals.  You have to set goals.  

We all set goals, big and small.  Even when I was a little girl I set little goals like holding my breath for one minute, or beating my brother home from school.  Now my goals are a bit loftier, but deep down inside, I feel like goal setting has for the most part set me on a path of success.

Here’s the thing , though…even though I feel I have found success, as I’ve gotten older and more of my goals have become grander, I feel less fulfilled when it is all done.  Let me paint a picture.  

The summer of my 39th year, we had been talking about Dave McGillivray, the director of the Boston Marathon.   He had recently been at my son’s school discussing his children’s book “Dream Big.”  It got us to talking about his perseverance and how each year he would run his age for his birthday.  I thought. “How cool is that?” So, I set to run forty miles for my fortieth year.  

It was a long build up with an injury along the way, but when I finally did it, I was ecstatic.  Even weeks after, I was so psyched about my accomplishment and ready for the next big thing.  I set another goal to run a faster 5k.  As my focus towards attaining this new goal took over, my excitement from the previous wained.

I started making progress towards this faster time, but I was getting a little bummed out.   Even though I was working my butt off, I wasn’t reaching my goal fast enough.  Reaching my goal was like taking a drug.  I wanted that feeling again sooner rather than later.  I wasn’t smart about it, and I got run down. The goal was sidelined. 

At first glance, it looks like I gave up.  And, I kinda did, but not because of weakness, ambivalence or frivolity.  I was so starved to have that feeling of accomplishment again, that I pushed too hard.  I wore myself out physically and mentally.  I wasn’t able to get what I set out to do.  Not because it wasn’t possible, but because I set myself up for failure with either bad or poorly planned out goals. 

Bad Goals

We strive to lose 20 pounds.  We do it (hooray), but then what?  Lose 20 more?  Keep it off?  Or, does it end there?   We set a goal to run a sub 8 (or 7, 6, 5, or 4!) minute mile.  We do it.  What’s next – two miles at sub 8?  A sub seven minute mile? 

The goals above are great goals and achieving them is wonderful. Maybe “bad” is the wrong word to describe these types of goals.  “Not the best” might be a better description. All of the above are great accomplishments and shouldn’t be discredited, but could we goal-set even better?

We also can’t forget the possibility of not reaching a goal.  We may feel disappointment, perhaps emptiness.  But, does not reaching a goal mean that nothing was accomplished?

Realistically, you can’t keep goal setting to drop weight, to speed up your time, or to get higher than 100%.  There is a limit. We also can’t beat ourselves up over and over again when we don’t reach a set goal. 

What I have found is that the goals I tend to set are very short-sided and where I have the potential to max out. When I hit them, I question what’s next, what’s the plan? Or in some cases I don’t hit them and I am in the dumps.   I don’t think I am alone  

We can’t help but feel empty and sad after the euphoric highs of reaching these goals we worked so hard to reach. We reach the top and there is no where left to go or we are left grasping for the next big thing or left grasping for anything.

It leaves me thinking, how can I change how I push myself so that I am not cycling between highs and lows?

Ultimate Goals

Of the tons of goals I have set over the years, I have made some and failed at others. When I make a goal, it’s usually because I planned it out well and stuck to the program.  When I fail at a goal, sometimes it’s because of an outside force (sickness, family matters, etc.), but usually it’s because I made a poor plan or didn’t carry it out the right way.  When I’m not careful, I have a tendency to set lofty goals where I expect my grit and determination to carry me through if I get in trouble, and sometimes it does.  Unfortunately, grit and determination don’t always cut it.  Well thought out plans do.  

You have to write goals down.  You need to set a timeline.  You need to establish realistic mini-goals or checkpoints that will bring you closer to your ultimate goal.  These are things that I don’t always do, but I don’t necessarily think that the they are the reason why I can’t escape the ups and downs.  I think it’s because I never had ultimate goals.

I am convinced that having ultimate goals or capital “G” goals will keep me from having these highs and lows determined by whether or not I have met an objective. These goals are overarching, lifelong goals.  Mini-goals, like those we might set to run faster, lose weight, etc. are meant to support these ultimate goals.  When I was meeting these goals, I wanted to know what was next and that’s because they weren’t a part of a bigger picture. 

What are ultimate goals in life?  Maybe it’s to be wealthy.  Maybe it’s to be happy.  Healthy. Knowledgeable. Loved. To love.

My ultimate goals are to be healthy, to be a good human being and to be a life-long learner. When I think about some of my other little goals, (like running a faster 5K), and how they relate to my ultimate goals, it puts me at ease.  It puts me at ease because now I think about that goal not as the end all be all. I see it as a stepping stone to getting healthier and that progress towards that goal, whether it takes three months of three years, is progress towards me being a healthy person.  When I think about being a good mom, good wife, good sister, or good daughter, I think of how it relates to being a good human being, and focus less on a checklist of things a “good” ______ does.  

I can work towards being healthy, a good human being and a life long learner.  I can set mini-goals and checkpoints to keep me on the right paths.  When I set my goals all I have to do is ask, will this help me be healthy?  Will it help me be a better human being? Will it help be learn?  If the answer is no, then maybe it’s a goal I shouldn’t set.  If the answer is yes, then accomplishing any part of it will help me with my ultimate goals. This is definitely doable.  This is sustainable.

What do you think?  Do you set yourself up for highs and lows like me?  Do you have ultimate goals in your life?  Feel free to post below.  Looking forward to reading your thoughts!