Pieces of Daniel

Harden

The smell of eggs and oatmeal cooking on the stove woke Daniel from his deep slumber. Uncle Ronan had taken the lead again with food preparations to the benefit of the group. As he sat up, he was instantly reminded of his actions the night before. Bringing his hands to his temples seemed to help.

Uncle Job put the water he had just retrieved next to the stove and ran up to Daniel, singing, “good morning.” He took him by the shoulders and shook him back and forth before asking, “Headache?” as he laughed.

Daniel slowly let out, “Ummm…yep.”

Pawpaw chuckled a bit and walked over to Daniel, handing him his filled canteen. “Drink this whole thing, then fill up again and have some more. You’re dehydrated. The headache will settle after some water and food.”

Daniel did what he was told. He went out to relieve himself and by the time he got back, he had a plate full of eggs and a cup full of oatmeal.

“Time to eat up. Unless we get lucky early, you’ll only be eating jerky and PB&J sandwiches later,” Job commented. It sounded to Daniel like Job wasn’t fond of either, but Daniel was looking forward to his jerky and sandwiches.

“So, splitting into pairs?” Ronan asked.

“Sounds good to me,” Pawpaw said. “Daniel, why don’t you come with me.”

Daniel nodded. He was glad to have a chance to spend more time with just Pawpaw.

“I think we’re going to that place I was telling you about yesterday, the scrapings over near the creek,” Uncle Ronan said.

“We’ll head to the field then,” Pawpaw said. Job looked disappointed. He seemed really excited to hunt near the field yesterday. Still, Daniel wasn’t about to interject.

As everyone gathered their things, Daniel could hear Uncle Ronan telling Job how confident he was they would see deer. Uncle Job didn’t seem convinced.

Pawpaw must have sensed the tension, saying, “Job, tomorrow you’ll get the field if we don’t tag deer today.”

They set out for the day with their packs, gear, food, water, rifles, and ammo. Still dark out, Pawpaw led the way with his flashlight, being careful not to make too much noise as they made their way to the far side of the field. Near the edge, they found a spot offering great cover behind two boulders. They prepared their site, placing a mat and chair for the two of them as they would wait patiently for the deer to walk through.

Morning twilight had begun. The silence was heavy. Daniel was sure there wasn’t an animal nearby, so he whispered to Pawpaw, “How long do you think?”

“I think we’ll see something very soon or very late. And, I think we need to be very quiet until the sun has come up over the trees,” he said. Daniel took the hint. He sat with his legs crossed, his Model 1894 in his lap, pointed away from Pawpaw with the safety on.

With each passing moment, a critter would wake from its slumber, another leaf would fall from a tree, something somewhere would move. The world that surrounded Daniel had gone from near-complete silence to a world awake again. The longer he sat, the more alert he became.

Off in the distance, Daniel heard a branch snap. He looked to Pawpaw, who nodded back. There was game nearby.

Daniel scoped out the edges of the field, seeing if he could identify any movement when something deeper in the forest caught his eye. Pawpaw whispered, “It’s a buck, a younger one, but a buck.” Pawpaw motioned for Daniel to move behind the rock slowly and take position.

Daniel held his breath as he slid behind the rock as slowly and quietly as he could. He pulled his rifle into position, using the rock’s steady surface to support his arm. In his movements, he lost sight of the deer. Pawpaw must have been able to tell and whispered, “he’s to the left of the line between the edge of the tall grass and the largest oak tree.”

Daniel located the line, and to the left, like Pawpaw said, there he was. He was a lot closer now, only ten feet from the edge of the field. Daniel lined up his sights, took the safety off, and waited for his shot. He was going through his checklist in his head when Pawpaw whispered, “you want him between one hundred and one hundred twenty-five yards, shoot him when he’s broadside in the heart-lungs, if closer, just above his eyes.”

The deer was still about one hundred fifty yards out. He and Pawpaw had discussed before two hundred yards could work, but one hundred to one hundred twenty-five would increase the chance of a good shot. Pawpaw always stressed it wasn’t fair to the animal to shoot it in a way that would make it suffer more than it needed to. That’s why they aimed for the hearts and lungs or the brain, to make it as quick as they could. If you weren’t certain of your shot, you didn’t take it.

The buck seemed to be moving closer to them, probably making his way to the nearby apples, the rich grasses, or soybean bushes they had planted. Daniel kept his sites on the deer, moving slowly with him as he sauntered here and there.

At the edge of the field, the buck stopped. He rubbed his antlers and head against the nearest tree as if he was finally scratching a pestering itch on his head. Seeing the buck behave like it was made it seem more…real. He tried not to linger on the idea for too long. Daniel knew he was there to kill a deer for the food and pelt and to do his part to help control the population. There was a purpose to what he was doing.

The deer scraped the ground and urinated next to the tree, then turned toward the grasses. Daniel was glad he was getting closer, but at the moment he was moving head-on, leaving him with a more difficult headshot. Daniel knew that would be one of the most humane ways to take it down, but he wasn’t fully confident he would make the shot from where he was.

“Going for the broadside shot?” Pawpaw whispered.

Daniel nodded and waited. The deer bent down, picking up an acorn that had been thrown from a tree nearby but was still pointed straight at him. Daniel let out a sigh. It had been about ten minutes since they first saw the deer and every one of them was super tense. He knew he needed to relax. He took a deep breath again and focused on the deer.

Pawpaw whispered again, “Keep it up, Daniel. Wait for your shot.”

The deer finally turned, but to the right where he was partially hidden by the tall grasses. Daniel knew it might be a while before he was in a good position again. Pawpaw whispered, “You can relax, but not too much. He might be feasting on the grass for a while. You need to be ready.”

Daniel and Pawpaw remained motionless as they watched the deer feed from afar. The air had been mostly still, almost stagnant this morning, but suddenly a stiff breeze came at their backs. The deer shot up and looked around, having caught their scent. Sensing danger, he bolted back into the woods.

“Ah, wouldn’t you know it? I don’t know where that breeze came from.” Pawpaw exclaimed.

Daniel’s whole body felt like it was starting to uncoil. He was relieved and severely disappointed. Glad he didn’t take the deer’s life but upset he hadn’t reached the milestone.

Pawpaw got up to stretch his legs. Standing next to Daniel, he said, “You did good,” with a pat on his back.

“But I didn’t shoot him,” Daniel said, confused. “I could have, but I didn’t take the shot.”

“Young man, you showed excellent restraint. You only take the shots you’re sure of, right?” He asked.

“Right,” Daniel responded.

Daniel went to his mat, laid down his rifle with the safety now on, and reached into his pack for some jerky before asking, “Pawpaw, you think another will come through?”

“Maybe,” he said. “I think the next time will be right before dusk. We may want to move, though, depending on how the wind is working.”

“Pawpaw, why didn’t you try to shoot the buck?” Daniel asked.

“I’ve gotten plenty of bucks. This weekend is mostly for you, Daniel,” he said. “For you to bag a buck and for me to spend some time with my grandson…win-win,” he said with a huge grin.

The two waited by the rocks for two more hours, talking about this and that. Daniel learned more about Pawpaw’s little brother, Thomas, and little sister, Louisa. Granduncle Thomas had gone to the University of West Virginia after the war and became an engineer working on roads and bridges for the state. Fond of drink and food, they suspected it led to his heart attack. He died when Daniel was only three.

Daniel’s Grandaunt “Lulu” had been a grade school teacher. After giving birth to her third daughter, she passed from cancer. Pawpaw sounded extra said when he talked of her. “It was so sudden with Lulu. One day she was here and healthy. The next day she was sick. It was only two weeks later…she was gone.”

Pawpaw talked more about when he met Enisi. Every time he spoke of her, Daniel could hear the hurt in his voice. Daniel missed her, too. The stroke that took her four years ago was even more sudden than Lulu’s death. It always seemed like they would turn around and she would be there like she had only stepped away for a while.

Work was the other thing Pawpaw talked about. Pawpaw had started a furniture business in town after he had gotten out of the Army. He did pretty well, well enough to hire some of the family. Uncle Ronan was one of his top performers.

Unlike the longing and love in his voice when he talked about Enisi, his talk of work revealed a sense of boredom and obligation. After talking about work, Pawpaw would often say, “We work so we can live.” Daniel was finally starting to understand what he meant.

Between the stories, they would sit in silence, listening for sounds of game. During those quiet times, Daniel started to put everything together. Pawpaw was lonely. The love of his life was gone. His mother, sister, and brother had passed. He had his kids, grandkids, nieces, and nephews, though, and he was the patriarch of a huge family. He was close to his kids, but they didn’t have time for him right now…and everyone else he had a real connection with was gone.

The two moved to a new spot further from the field, next to a downed tree in the woods. The afternoon sun cast an orange glow and long shadows on the leaf litter all around them. When Daniel looked over at Pawpaw, he thought he looked content. He said, “Pawpaw, thank you for being here for me today and for teaching me how to hunt. I know I’ll remember this weekend forever.”

Pawpaw’s face went from content to elated. He reached over to grab Daniel’s hand and said, “I love you, Daniel. You’re a fine man.”

The two looked out into the forest in silence as the sun started to set. The sound of ruffling leaves caught their ears near a thicket of laurel about fifty yards out. Pawpaw looked to Daniel and whispered, “You hungry?”

Pawpaw slowly picked up his rifle and aimed it at one of the rabbits that had exited the dense brush. He followed the rabbit for a couple yards before pulling the trigger. The shot rang through the air echoing off the leafless tree trunks before settling to silence again. Daniel ran over to collect the rabbit. Straight through the eye. His Pawpaw was a stellar shot.

“I hope one day I can shoot like you,” Daniel said to his grandfather, showing him the rabbit when he got back.

“You will,” he replied. “I have a couple more years practice on you,” he said. He took the rabbit from Daniel and started to skin and gut it. “Looks like a healthy rabbit. Not a ton of meat, but it’ll do well in the stew tonight. Want a rabbit’s foot for good luck?” He asked.

“No thanks,” Daniel responded. “What about the feet, fur, head, and guts?”

“Well, we’ll be taking the giblets with us,” he said as he took a small container out of his pack to put the tender pieces in, “but we’ll leave the rest of the guts and the feet near where we shot the rabbit as food and bait for fox and the like tomorrow. The head and fur will take with us. Ronan’s dog loves the heads and ears after we’ve dried them,”

“Not a bad day. The buck didn’t pan out, but I think it worked out for the best. I’m happy to get another day in the woods,” Pawpaw said as he packed up and took a broad sweep of the scenery around him. “Man, it’s the best times out here.”

Daniel smiled in agreement. He didn’t want to kill anything but understood the order of everything. Hunting was an essential part of life out here. Not only for the food it provided or for their responsibilities as stewards of the land but also for the camaraderie that flourished.

Daniel packed up his things and they walked back to the cabin. When they arrived it was nearly dark, but they could tell the uncles had already returned.

“You too, huh?” Uncle Job said when he saw the rabbit in Pawpaw’s hand.

Ronan turned around from the stove and gave an appreciative smile, saying,” You can never have too much meat.” He was working the pan with liver, kidney, and heart frying in butter with a little bit of garlic and onion. Next to the pan on the stove was the savory stew with potatoes, celery, carrots, and the meat of the rabbits Ronan and Job had brought back.

“How many rabbits you get?” Pawpaw asked.

“Two,” Job responded. “Ronan set a bunch of traps on our way out to the site and we just picked them up on the way back.”

“Well done, gentlemen. How were the deer?” Pawpaw asked as he handed over his rabbit and pulled the giblets out of his pack to give to Ronan.

Job chimed in before Ronan could answer, “There was good hunting out there. We saw three bucks during the day.”

“No kidding! What happened, then?” Pawpaw asked.

“The wind shifted on one. We moved, and then the second one we saw stayed out of range. The third one was in range, but there wasn’t a good shot,” Job said as he stared down Ronan.

Ronan added, in his defense, “the third one would have gotten clipped and you would’ve been hunting him down all night.”

“I think I would have had him,” Job responded.

Ronan shook his head and went back to the rabbit. Job asked, “How about you two? We thought maybe you might have had a shot, but I see from the rabbit’s head, he was your target.”

“That’s right,” Pawpaw said, then continued, “Ronan, the head here is for Patsy,” he said as he left it in a bucket close to the door.

“Daniel almost had one today, but the wind did the same for us. Never properly showing itself for a good shot. How dare they,” Pawpaw said, laughing it up a bit, Ronan giggling a little, too.

“Tomorrow will be another good day, I think,” Pawpaw said. “Especially if we have all this good food in our bellies,” he said, rubbing his own.

Job piped up, saying, “I’d like to go back to the same spot tomorrow.”

“I thought you wanted the field, “Pawpaw said.

“Ronan found a sweet spot. I’d hate to miss this kind of opportunity,” he said.

Job may or may not have noticed, or he probably didn’t care, as Pawpaw and Ronan gave each other a look. Pawpaw said, “I think Daniel could benefit from experiencing a variety of terrain. Why don’t you take Daniel with you tomorrow?”

“I’ll take the little man,” he said, then added, “he could probably use a couple pointers from this pro.”

Daniel respected his elders and appreciated Job was his Aunt’s husband. Still, he thought his Uncle Job could be such an arrogant ass. “Thank you, Uncle Job. I bet it’ll be great,” faking a smile.

“Damn straight!” He said, pulling out the whiskey again. “Oh, and, don’t forget to sip this time,” as he walked over to Daniel’s cup and poured some, laughing as if it were a clever thing to say.

Daniel played along, “I won’t,” he said, faking another smile.

The men sat around the stove again, eating, drinking, and sharing more stories. Ronan was able to slip one in that embarrassed Job, but then Job responded by telling yet another story where he saved the day. Daniel could see a restrained look of distaste on Uncle Ronan and Pawpaw’s faces. He was getting a whole new perspective on family dynamics this weekend.

Having sipped his whiskey, eaten enough dinner for two, and finished off a full canteen of water, Daniel was in a much better place than he had been last night. When his lids started to become heavy, he excused himself and laid down in the cot. The rest of the men stayed up talking for a bit longer, but it didn’t bother Daniel. He was out like a light.

Daniel awoke to the same aromas as the previous morning. They all ate their eggs and oatmeal and talked about what the plan for the day was. Whether it be at noon because they were successful or at dusk empty-handed, they would pack up and head home. They cleaned up after breakfast and got everything ready to go.

“Alright, apprentice, follow me,” Uncle Job said to Daniel. Pawpaw was right behind the two as they started to walk out of the cabin. He put his hand on Daniel’s shoulder as if to say, sorry, and you’ll get something out of it, I promise. Daniel wasn’t so sure.

Pawpaw and Uncle Ronan headed toward the field, while Uncle Job and Daniel headed toward the deer-rich environment Uncle Job was so excited to see again.

It was still dark, but the sun would be coming up shortly. Uncle Job kept snapping at Daniel for using his flashlight the wrong way. Apparently, Daniel was sweeping wrong. Daniel thanked him for the advice even though he had no idea what he was talking about.

As they got closer to where Uncle Job wanted to set up their post, Uncle Job put on his red light, and Daniel turned his flashlight off. They settled in for the next few hours, Daniel putting his mat down and Uncle Job setting up his field chair. They were on a hill overlooking a stream with a downed log as cover.

“Right by the stream all the way to the left, about two hundred yards by those two massive oaks, about three hundred yards out from where we are, that’s where we saw all three bucks yesterday,” he said, sitting down in his chair with his rifle in his lap. “Stay alert,” he reminded Daniel.

Twilight had begun. Daniel’s mat was set up so he could lean against the log when he wasn’t actively screening the woods for the deer. He turned around and looked over the log, scouting the scenery for any movement.

The two stayed in silence. There was barely a peep from anything, even as the sun was making its way up past the horizon. Daniel said, “Looks like it’s going to be a good day weather-wise.”

Uncle Job responded with a whispered, “Shhhh!” Neither spoke a word for the next two hours.

Daniel went from kneeling behind the log to looking over it, to sitting against it when his knees would start to hurt. The quiet, the lack of game, and his being extremely tired made it no surprise he began to drift off.

Daniel was never entirely under, but it didn’t matter—perception is everything. Uncle Job threw an acorn at him. “Wake up!” He whispered loudly. “I guess some people weren’t meant for this, huh?”

Uncle Job reached into his pack and pulled out a pouch. “Here,” he said, offering the contents, “it’ll keep you up,” he said.

Daniel looked in to see what looked like brown shavings. Dip? he thought.

Uncle Job reached in and grabbed a pinch, placing the tobacco between his lower lip and jaw. Daniel didn’t know anyone else who used dip. But he felt he had let Uncle Job down so far and wanted to impress him. So, he took a pinch and placed it in his mouth.

The taste was disgusting. It was sweet and minty and earthy…it was making his mouth water, but not in a good way. Bits of the tobacco were starting to float around. He was beginning to feel lightheaded, a little bit like with the whiskey.

Uncle Job leaned over to spit. Daniel took the cue and tried to spit. Uncle Job’s spit came out clean. His spit…different story. Dribble all over his face and tobacco bits all over his lip. Daniel was trying hard to look the part. His mouth was still watering. He swallowed.

“Make sure you don’t swallow. You’ll vomit,” Uncle Job said, probably after he noticed Daniel had.

Oh shit, Daniel thought. He was done trying to impress his uncle. “I can’t do it,” he said as he got up and went to the nearest tree and spit out the dip, using his fingers to scrape off the shreds of tobacco leaves. He took a swig of his canteen, rinsed, and spit. Still there, he thought. He rinsed again and again. Then, the nausea started to hit.

“Is there anything you can—” there goes breakfast, Daniel thought. Between convulsions, he peeked at his uncle, who seemed to be getting a kick out of the whole thing.

“Looks like you could use some more food. You should have some jerky,” Uncle Job said as he pulled out a bag. One look at the jerky and Daniel upchucked again.

“It looks like the dip,” he said, wiping his mouth. He grabbed his pack and reached in for one of his PB and J’s. He took a cautious bite and waited….another…and another…he was going to be okay.

The whole time Uncle Job was snickering. “It’s a right of passage, Daniel. I did the same thing with my brothers. Too bad you don’t have any. Have to count on your Uncle to harden ya up!” He said, smacking him on the back as he was eating.

What Pawpaw was thinking? Daniel started to wonder. Did he not see this side of Uncle Job? Or maybe he did need to “harden up.” Either way, Daniel thought he would’ve been fine without that dip experience.

Daniel thought about his time with Pawpaw yesterday and how well it had gone. Maybe if he asked his uncle a few questions, they would get on better. So Daniel started by asking how many brothers and sisters his uncle had. “Four brothers,” he said.

Daniel asked if he played any sports in high school. “Football,” he said. Daniel couldn’t relate. He only ran track.

Then he asked if he liked where he worked. “It doesn’t matter if I like where I work, Daniel. You work where you work. The sooner you learn that the better off you’ll be,” he practically yelled.

And that was the most his Uncle Job said about any of his questions. It was noon and they were going to be sitting together for a few more hours. Daniel couldn’t fathom a few more hours not talking at all. Maybe his questions were too specific, he thought. Perhaps he needed to leave it more open-ended.

Daniel’s next question for his Uncle was, “Do you have any hopes and dreams?” Seeing the look on his face, Daniel immediately regretted it.

“Are you fucking kidding me? What are they teaching you? Hopes and dreams…pff,” he said exasperated. “Is your dad a….” he started before he pulled back. He knew trashing his brother-law-to his nephew was going to come back to him. “You need a dose of reality,” he said, crossing his arms, shaking his head in disbelief.

Daniel was done. He tried to get to know his Uncle and bond with him. He knew it wasn’t going to be like with Pawpaw, but he didn’t think his uncle would crap on him as much as he did.

Daniel’s stomach had improved enough to take out some of his jerky for a snack. He loved it but hated how it always got stuck in his teeth. He wished he had some floss and then immediately thought he’d probably get a smack on the head if Uncle Job knew what he was thinking.

The two men had been in their spot for hours and hadn’t seen anything yet. Daniel wanted to ask his uncle if they should go to a new position but decided to stay quiet instead. Daniel looked over at his uncle who’s gaze should have been looking up the stream but was gazing at the back of his eyelids instead. That was fine by Daniel. Maybe he would lean against the downed tree and close his eyes for a bit. He was sure he would get snapped at later, but Daniel felt like it was justifiable if his uncle was doing it too. Daniel crossed his arms and let his head fall back against the log, closing his eyes for a bit.

It seemed like his eyes had been shut for only a few moments when Daniel heard the sound of leaves being moved around. He opened his eyes, blurry at first, and focused on the location of the movement. Only thirty yards from where he and Uncle Job were sitting was a giant, majestic, beautiful, ten-point buck.

Daniel looked over at his Uncle Job, who had heard the noise, or perhaps a different one. Wide-eyed as he looked toward the stream, Uncle Job mouthed the words, “two by the water,” and motioned for Daniel to grab his rifle.

Daniel mouthed, “There’s a buck over there,” as he nodded in the buck’s direction. Uncle Job acknowledged Daniel, both understanding they would be going for the deer they saw.

Daniel moved in slow motion as he pulled the rifle up to his shoulder. The buck, standing broadside and head pointed away, was in a perfect position. Daniel lined up his shot, but before he pulled the trigger, he whispered a warning to his uncle, “I am going to shoot.”

Uncle Job said, “wait one second.” Daniel hoped he would hurry. He didn’t think he would ever get a better shot than this…ever in his life.

The next three seconds happened so quickly. There was a shot, but it wasn’t Daniel who took it. His buck popped up. Daniel knew it was now or never, shooting as the buck started to bolt.

“Fuck,” Uncle Job said as he stood up. “I was trying to line them up so I’d get a headshot on both of them. I only got the one and in the neck, but pretty good.”

Daniel knew he got his buck, but he was only hurt, not dead. He had the best shot ever. But then he had to force it because his buck got spooked. “I got him, but he ran off,” he said.

“Looks like you need to practice more,” Uncle Job said, slapping him on the back. No, Daniel thought, I need another hunting partner.

“You go hunt down your guy and I’ll go get mine. We can meet back at the cabin after,” Uncle Job said as he started to pack up his stuff.

“Don’t you think we should go together?” Daniel asked. It was his first time tracking a deer.

“What?” he asked, looking back the way his deer had run off. “You’ll be fine,” he said as he grabbed his pack. “Follow the blood and when you find him, kill’m quick,” Uncle Job said as he ran off after his deer. Daniel stood in shock as his uncle took off.

I can’t do this, he thought. No, toughen up, he told himself. Daniel had pulled off a decent shot considering the buck had moved. He was sure that he mortally wounded him, but he didn’t know how far off a buck like that could go even in the shape it was in.

Daniel packed up his things and quickly went to the blood trail left by the buck. Usually, the idea of following blood-brushed branches and blood drops left on the ground would make Daniel want to cringe. But when Job left him, he went into survival mode. As he followed the trail, rifle in hand, being careful not to make too much noise, he reassured himself of his ability to succeed in this situation.

Daniel had never shot and tracked a deer before, but he had been in similar situations. He had followed small game in the past and could apply that knowledge now. The thought of the deer being scared and running for its life was gnawing at his conscience. He needed to find it quick and take it out of its misery.

Daniel was zoned in now, following the clues that exposed the deer’s path. He ran through in his head what he might see and what he would have to do to take the buck out. He wondered what he would do after he killed the deer. He couldn’t drag a two hundred pound plus deer back. He would have to leave it there and get help. What if wolves or coyotes got to it? Damn you, Uncle Job!

The way the light filtered through the barren branches, Daniel figured it must be late afternoon. He looked down at his watch. 3:48 p.m. Did they really sleep that long? That didn’t leave much time to find the buck before sundown.

Picking up his pace but trying to maintain his stealth, he continued to pursue the buck until he came to a stream. Shit! This wasn’t an ideal place to cross. He scanned the opposite bank, looking for a sign the deer had exited the water. Nothing. Did the deer go downstream or upstream?

He was stuck. He was running out of daylight and had to pick a direction. But which one? Either way, his vantage point was poor. Daniel walked a few yards downstream where a rocky bank gently slipped into the stream. From there, Daniel could see more.

Score! Daniel thought as he arrived at the bank. Blood drops and wet tracks. Daniel was surprised to see the deer turned back east to where it all began. At least we’ll be getting closer to camp.

Daniel quickened his pace again. He was sure he was getting closer as he saw the blood droplets start to appear closer together.

Daniel looked up and recognized where he was. Somehow, the deer had circled around to where he and Pawpaw were yesterday on the outskirts of the field, but neither Pawpaw nor Uncle Ronan were anywhere to be seen. He could only hope they had been in the field and had started to track the deer.

Daniel was moving as fast as he could without betraying his position. He was sure the deer must be near.

Just ahead was a stream. As Daniel approached it, his eyes were drawn across the water. Up the shallow banks and surrounded by trampled grass lay the body of the mighty buck.

Daniel’s first reaction was one of relief, but it was soon taken over by anxiety. He had fifty yards to travel across the water and up the bank. Then he would have to put the buck out of its misery, assuming it wouldn’t try to bolt again.

His rifle was loaded, safety off, his finger to the side of the trigger as he arrived at the stream. The deer’s head titled slightly, perhaps because he heard or smelled Daniel. Daniel looked at the creek, glimmering in the late afternoon light. It was slow-moving here and only a foot deep. He could cross the chilly stream where he was or balance across the set of six rocks to his left. Temperatures were falling with the sun. He knew it would be best to stay as dry as he could. Daniel walked up the bank of the stream to the rocks.

Still in the zone, his eyes darted back and forth from the downed buck to the precarious steps he was taking from one rock to the next. First rock, first foot. Eyes on buck. First rock, second foot. Buck. Second rock, first foot. Buck. Second rock, second foot. Buck. Deep breath.

Daniel continued, knowing he would have to be careful on the smaller fourth and fifth rocks. Fourth rock, first foot. Buck. Clear. Deep breath. Fifth rock…

“Daniel,” was shouted from behind.

For a split second, he thought to turn around, shifting his weight slightly before he re-entered his stealth zone…but it was too late.

When Daniel would replay the scene in his head again, again and again, he could see, hear, and feel everything. Even though his senses were acting simultaneously, his memory had stored them as separate events.

He was slipping. First he heard the sound of his shoes screeching across the slick surface of the rock, then the sound of his right foot hitting the water. He heard a loud bang, a gasp, a thump, and then the splash from the rest of his body entering the water.

He was slipping. He felt a pain in his right foot as it hit an awkward angle, sliding off the rock into the water. He felt the cold of the water he had been trying to avoid. As he fell and his body twisted backward, he felt his arms reaching out for something to stop the fall. His left hand was empty, but his right hand had something. He squeezed in a desperate attempt the halt his fall into the water. He felt his hand and arm shake as he continued to fall backward. He felt the cold water rush over his face and body.

He was slipping. His right foot had landed to the right of where he intended causing him to roll to the right and back. His eyes drifted from the buck that had been in his sights, past the leafless trees to the sky. There was a flash. Before the water washed over his face, blurring his vision, he saw Pawpaw falling by the side of the stream out of the corner of his eye.

Daniel snapped up out of the stream, totally shocked. What just happened? Then he remembered. He was about to get his buck. He turned to the buck, motionless in the grass despite Daniel’s fall. Maybe he’s dead.

Still processing…he was on the rocks going for the buck. He slipped….he slipped because someone called his name. It came together in a flash.

“Pawpaw!” Daniel yelled as he ran through the water to his grandfather. Daniel threw the rifle still in his hands to the side of the stream, threw off his pack, and grabbed his grandfather’s slumped body, gently laying him back.

“Are you okay?” Daniel asked as he assessed his grandfather’s body. He looked fine until he pulled his hand away from his neck after laying his head carefully on the soft leaves, the blood covering the whole of his hand. Oh my God!

“Pawpaw! Pawpaw, can you hear me?” Daniel asked in a panicked voice.

Pawpaw opened his eyes and uttered, “Daniel,” softly. “Daniel, I think I’m shot. But don’t worry. I’ll be okay. Just need to get help,” he said softly.

“Pawpaw, I’m not going to leave you, but I’ll shoot my gun up so the others come to us,” he said as he reached for his rifle, cocked it, and shot off a round. No response. They have to come. He fired again, but this time he heard a shot in response. Help was coming, he thought, relieved.

“Pawpaw—I’m so sorry,” Daniel said. “I slipped…and I didn’t know what was going on.” Daniel tried to stay strong for his Pawpaw, but the tears were starting to well up in his eyes.

“I know,” he struggled to say.

Daniel grabbed his Pawpaw’s hand and looked into his eyes. He wanted to say stay with me, but it seemed like the wrong thing to say. He didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know what to do.

Pawpaw said, “I… love …you,” the strain of each word echoing in the space between them.

Daniel put his head to Pawpaw’s chest. He couldn’t hear a beat. He couldn’t feel his chest move. Pawpaw was gone.

He stayed bent over, lying on Pawpaw’s chest, still holding his hand, becoming more and more numb by the moment.

“Pawpaw,” Uncle Ronan called from a distance, thinking he was the one to fire the calling shot. But, as he got closer, it was clear there were two shapes collapsed, one over the other.

“Oh God!” he said as he started a full sprint to the two men.

Daniel turned toward his uncle and said, “I didn’t mean to.”

A thick deposit of blood on the leaves next to Pawpaw’s body had begun to find its way to the stream. Ronan pushed Daniel to the side. He put his head to Pawpaw’s chest for a minute, then slowly leaned back. Ronan sat, staring off for a minute, then asked, “What happened?”

Daniel didn’t want to make excuses. He fucked up. He stood up and said, “I killed Pawpaw.”

“How did it happen?” Uncle Ronan asked.

“I slipped on the rocks and shot my rifle,” he responded.

“What? What the fuck? How did…” Ronan said, looking around, completely confused. Then he saw the buck just beyond. He took a deep breath to reset. “Were you about to shoot the buck?” he asked.

“Yes,” Daniel said, standing there, staring at his dead grandfather.

Ronan stood up next to Daniel, grabbed him by the shoulders, and started to shake him. “It was an accident, Daniel,” before he brought him in for a hug, a tear rolling down his cheek. He grabbed him by the shoulders again and said, “You need to snap out of it. We have to bring him back. That’s the best thing you can do for him right now.”